This topic perhaps tells you where my mind space is this weekend and by no means am I a relationship expert and therefore these thoughts about habits are solely based on my experience having known and married to my best friend and mother to my kids for over 10 years.

Grace and I were not always on the same page when we got to know each other in 2006 and or even when we decided to date and get married but we eventually started figuring out stuff together along the way and the one thing that we both had that absolutely worked for us was that we had close to similar value system.

During the course of our relationship, there were times where I thought we were done but when we communicated and discussed what is on the line, we both saw the big picture simply because we shared the same values and agreed on many things than we disagreed.

Now it’s one thing having values and understanding the big picture and it’s another to be able to communicate these values at some critical points of your relationship. Which leads me to what I think are the 3 top things that make relationships FAIL – am sure there are many others.

First, Sex – Without proper communication, sex can be a problem to many couples and this in most cases has nothing to do with your physical ability but something like your mindset and approach could hinder great sex your partner. In most cases, one would require an intrinsic understanding of what works for their partner. Many couples, especially young ones, think that sex starts in the bedroom and to be honest, so did I at one point.

Second, Money – When it comes to money, there are many angles in which money becomes an issue, for example when there is a lack of understanding of who does what and when. For me, the issue with money was always more about transparency and which eventually led to a lack of TRUST just because I never wanted Grace to know what and where I was spending the money I earned, even though I was actually contributing to our lifestyle living. This got resolved obviously, happy to share how and what worked. DM me 🙂

Third, Communication – I discovered earlier in my relationship that communication was perhaps the most important action a couple must figure out almost immediately. You know what they say, “There is a thin line between love and hate”, I believe effective communication has everything to do with the success of relationships.

A couple of things I learnt while communicating with Grace that I am still truly internalising as well:

1. Be curious, not critical

2. Please listen, don’t just hear – a huge difference

3. Ask for clarity, don’t assume

4. Connect first, then correct – everybody communicates, few people connect! Always try and communicate to the heart then the mind.